Accepting Plan G

I haven’t been around lately.  I beg your forgiveness as I find myself trying to accept the new reality that is my life or Plan G, as I like to call it.  Everyone has a plan a, plan b, and maybe even a plan c but I am choosing to follow Plan G or in other words the plan that God has for me.  While it’s not always easy, as you’ll read in the following journal entry (slightly edited) I wrote a few weeks ago, but it’s good…

I’ve always loved rain.  While others complain about the dreariness of such weather I welcome it, even as a child.  I have vivid memories of lying in bed with my eyes closed as I listened to slow and steady drops as they pinged on my window pane.

Tonight, as I sit in my room feeling somewhat crushed and defeated, the pings on my window pane are calming.  I’d love nothing more than to lie in bed and allow them to lull me to sleep as I once did as a little girl.  Tonight, however, that is not a likely scenario.

I listen as the clock ticks the seconds by.  Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.  Each second one second closer to the start of another day.  I’d be lying if I didn’t say I kinda hate that clock reminding me that time keeps moving on when all I want is for it to stop for a few minutes just so I can catch my breath.

Its sound is starting to overpower the cleansing droplets of the rain and I realize that if I am going to feel even the slightest bit of calm in the morning I’d better drag my rear over to the laundry and start folding.  Not an easy task by all means.

“Didn’t I just do this last week?”  I ask myself as I pick up another shirt.  My eye is drawn to the kitchen where a pile of dirty dishes sits taunting me from its final resting place in my sink and I remember I was supposed to call a friend to finish planning a scout banquet a couple days ago not to mention a thousand emails waiting to be reviewed, deleted, or responded to in my inbox.

I rest my head in my hands while I take a couple of cleansing breaths, a lot of good it does, and continue with my methodic folding.  The world around me seems to make much less sense these days and, to make matters worse, I find myself falling short of the expectations of those around me and the dreams I have for myself.

I don’t regret my life up to this point and, while I’m not relishing my current reality, I don’t hate it either.  That’s not to say I’m not praying I don’t learn whatever life lesson I am to glean from the past year’s utter and complete derailment of my former life.  For your amusement, I’ve seriously considered calling myself as The Woman Formerly Known as Krista.  Or K-Diddy.  I’ve had a hard time deciding.

All joking aside {since that is still how I maintain a level of sanity} there are days when I do wish life was different.  I wish that my day to day life was more predictable.  I wish Peanut Butter M&M’s were calorie free or didn’t taste so darn good.  I wish I could be the person that everyone needs me to be.

Wishing doesn’t make it so nor, in this case, does any amount of action.  No matter how scheduled and organized I try to be life is unpredictable.  I suppose I could try some aversion therapy to make me believe Peanut Butter M&M’s don’t taste good but why?  And as far as being the person everyone needs me to be, that’s why I have Peanut Butter M&M’s because it’s never going to happen.

A wise woman quoted Albert Einstein to me awhile back.

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”

She then told me that reality is what you make of it.  So what will you choose today?

Comments

  1. Beck says:

    I don’t have anything close to the obligations you do; yet I completely understand. My thoughts are with you.

  2. Oh Krista, you are so amazing. I am in awe of your strength and wisdom and I really hope things get better for you soon <3

  3. I like the sound of Plan G…otherwise I’d have to accept that I’m on plan Q, or something even more ridiculously far out there. You, my dear sweet friend, are rocking Plan G. And even though you may be discouraged, you are, in fact, better than you give yourself credit for. And I shall hear after call you K-Diddy.

  4. Emily says:

    I’m pulling for you, my sweet friend. Be careful of those cleansing breaths–take enough of them and you’ll hyperventilate. Also, laundry is never done no matter how many times you do it. And if peanut butter M&Ms soothe your soul, dive in.

    • Krista says:

      Thanks Em. You’ve always been so supportive and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. I promise not to hyperventilate…too much ;) and if there is such a thing as too many peanut butter M&M’s I haven’t discovered it yet. With a diet coke of course.

  5. Jen says:

    I hear you. I feel the same way – kind of like I’m running our of letters of the alphabet. Hang in there!!

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